Every day I look across the way to the Col. C.T. Herring Hotel. She is the 14 story, 600 room Grand Dame who sits on the corner watching people scuttle by and ignore her inevitable decay. She was born in an era when the Cattle Barons still ruled the plains and the oil tycoons purses were heavy with black gold.  Businessmen and bankers would discuss business in the hotel’s Old Tascosa Room. I wonder what secrets were told.

The lady stood through the Stock Market Crash of ’29, WWII, Korea and ‘Nam. She’s watched as black and white children, once segregated, came together. Her structure never faltered as Kennedy, Malcom X, RFK and MLK were assassinated. As the wall in Berlin fell, hers stood firm and on September 11, 2001, I swear you could hear her mourn.
 
She’s seen the the radio, television and movies transcend from silent films to iMax 3D. And communications improved from the telegraph to the switchboard to universal and satellite cellular service. What hasn’t she seen? She’s seen the best and the worst mankind has to offer and still she stands on the corner just watching people scuttle by and ignore her inevitable decay.

When something is forbidden it becomes more desirable, more delicious. It’s a temptation we contain through self-control and that nagging feeling in our subconscious when we entertain the idea of taking a bite of the forbidden fruit. And I’m sure you know the fruit is metaphorical; however, even though it’s late in the evening, I wouldn’t mind wrapping my lips around a strawberry and feeling the sweet juice of spring explode in my mouth.  Yes… the diet continues. (Happy, Happy…. Joy, Joy…)

Anyhoo…
 I was watching “Smash” on NBC tonight. For whatever reason, I dig that show. And this show is in so many ways about the forbidden fruit and the attempt (though not so successful for so many of the characters) to deny themselves what they are so longing for. The show is a tangled mess of interrelationships during the creation of a Broadway musical, “Bombshell” centered around the life of Marilyn Monroe. Uma Thurman is cast as the “lead” on stage as Marilyn and I just have to say “Why????” I’m not sure of the casting choice exactly, but she plays the movie star come Broadway star wannabe well. However when I think of Marilyn, I don’t think of a 41 year old woman and on the close up shots of Uma, I see too many fine lines, which I never saw with Norma Jean. Call me cynical, but really? Marilyn died at 36 and I don’t think she looked it, but that’s just me.

With two episodes left, I’m not going to sweat it too much, but I have to ask what I think is a pretty good question. What was Marilyn’s forbidden fruit? She was the golden fleece for so many, but what was it that was forbidden to her and was it enough to push her over the edge?  I know I’ll never have the answers to those questions, but it does put into perspective some of my own forbidden desires and makes it a little easier to acknowledge their existence and say, “Thanks, but no.”

So I guess I’ll just have to tune in next week for the next to the last of the Season 1 episode and see if Ivy has screwed up with Karen’s boyfriend (pun intended) and hope that Julia doesn’t lose what’s left of her marbles when she runs into her old flame. And does Rebecca Duvall steal Derek’s heart. Heck… does Derek even have a heart?  Forget those daytime soaps folks…. we have a “Smash” on our hands.

Celeste

I’m introspective and contemplative –

I have been on a hiatus for a while. I’ve been working on those pesky New Year’s Resolutions and trying to get my life into some semblance of order. So far, I’ve made some progress and I’m pretty happy with how things have gone. I’ve lost weight and have reached my first goal (lost about 30 pounds total thus far!!!.) I’ve simplified a lot of things and am working on my relationships. All of that falls under the category of “Work in Progress.”
Ok, it really falls under the category of “Rome Wasn’t Built in A Day,” but carry on I shall.

The kick in the pants is my writing life. I just can’t seem to get a grip on that. I’m not sure what direction I want to take and I probably should keep up with the blog just so I can keep writing something creative and “me.” I mean, I write every day. However, I can’t really say that my reports are titillating for the average bear and definitely NOT accessible for anyone else to read. So what to do, I don’t know.
I’m telling ya… this is a conundrum for the ages.
I wonder if Shakespeare, Twain, etc went through this kind of angst or if it just “came” to them.

In other news… eldest graduates in about a month and will start working at the vet clinic full time. Yay! Youngest is making plans for college and culinary school in Rhode Island in a couple of years. Wow!
Darling is doing really well at work and is getting to travel some and do a lot of interesting things since he found a job that really takes care of employees. A rarity and we are blessed.
The dogs are all good. I guess all in all, the family is doing pretty well.

Mother… oy. Maybe I should write about mother, but no one would believe me. They say truth is stranger than fiction, but even then I don’t think I could properly convey the proper tone of borderline lucidity/insanity that prevails in her universe. I’m gearing up for her nervous breakdown any day now. This will be breakdown number 3 or 4. If she doesn’t break, either myself or my Gotham sister may instead. We love her. We also do a lot of head shaking because we can’t adequately explain her thoughts, words or actions. If I could, I am pretty sure I would have some sort of DSM-IV medical miracle on my hands.

Well, I need to get some sleep. The alarm rings early (anything before 10am is early) and I have to try to get a bunch of stuff done at work tomorrow. This writing thing though… lots to mull over.
G’night.

Ahhh… the time has come to make the list that I measure myself against at the end of the year. This is the list that usually frustrates me to no end, though there have been years that I have come out ahead of the game. Unlike many people, I can’t make this list in a day or two. It usually takes me at least a week to develop a good list. And while I’m making the list, I’m actually working on things on the list. So here are the assorted goals for 2012.

1) Work on relationships: God, family and friends

2) This one has been on every list for the past 10 years I think. But this year there are some modifications. I am wanting to lose weight & get healthy. However, I am breaking the year down into obtainable goals and hopefully this will be a more manageable / doable thing.

I know weight and size may not quite mesh so final size I would like to be a 10, ultimate would be a size 8, but don’t know what the reality on that is going to be. And yeah, I’m throwing it out there for the universe. It’s not that I want everyone to know that I’m fat, not that you can’t tell that by looking, but I do want that accountability. Joy.

– Beginning Goal Weight: 170 pounds
– – Intermediate Goal Weight: 155 pounds
– – – Final Goal Weight: 145 pounds
– – – – Ultimate Goal Weight: 135 Pounds

3) Write.
I am a writer. I need to develop the story I’ve been working on and push past some of the limitations I have placed in front of me.

4) Simplify & Organize Life: Home and Work

– Simplify Closets : Get rid of the clutter and distractions that I don’t need.
This includes cleaning out the closets & drawers that have plagued me for the past couple of years. I have a tendency to keep clothing I can’t wear. I’m sure it’s because I’m overweight and I long to be a smaller size. But I have even kept clothes I can’t stand that are the size I currently am. Really? Why? Accomplished. Hubby and I did this last night and now there is a HUGE pile of clothes in the living room. Now to figure out where those are going to go. To sell / to give away or what. Oy!

– 4a) Simplify Virtual Reality: Facebook/ Friends – started de-friending those who are taking up space or my favorite – the dude who couldn’t write a status update without cussing. Accomplished

– 4b) Simplify Email: Clean out all the inboxes and saved emails. in progress This is going to take a while, but hopefully by the end of the month I will have this taken care of. Woot!

– 4c) Organize all the “files” on my work and home computers. This too will take a while. However, I am hoping by the end of the month to have this taken care of.

5) Get finances under control and get rid of as much debt as possible

6) Look in to going back to school / career options

Ok… this is the list as it exists for now. Of course, this is always subject to change blah, blah, and blah. More later from the flip side.
Cel

2012 is hours away for me… in other parts of the universe it’s already here and I’m sure it was greeted with fireworks and grandiose displays of bright lights and oooh’s and ahhhh’s. I am actually going to spend the evening with friends and family chowing on finger foods and playing games, but this year, I’m thinking I would rather just curl up in bed and sleep. I love my family and friends, but I’m tired and haven’t been a big fan of this year.

I’m sure I will have resolutions for 2012 and will be thinking about what I accomplished over 2011 and what went awry, but at this time… a moment of silence for the year that is ending. May 2012 bring something new and different on the horizon.
Peace to all…

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Things have been a bit nuts around the casa and getting everything in order has taken some time. I can’t say it’s all in order yet, but it’s getting there.

Yesterday, I ended up with a WHOPPER of a migraine. I have had migraines on and off for years and occasionally one will pretty much strike me down. I’m never a fan of them and yesterday was no exception. I went to the doctor and got back on preventative medications. Hopefully, they will quell the recurrance of this ailment.

I am still working on losing some weight. I had lost about 15 pounds and then regained 6. I think it’s a case of two steps forward, one step back. However, I’m trying to get back into the swing of things again. We’ll see how it goes. Time for now to get back to work…

What is the big deal with all the “celebrity duck faces” circling the internet? Seriously? Do we not have more important things to do than to watch celebrities quasi-pucker up? I am much more interested in Lindsey Lohan copying Pippa’s reception gown, the 6 foot wedding cake no one at Kim Kardashian’s wedding ate or the resumation of Kat Von D’s relationship with Jesse James now that LA Ink has been cancelled. If you believe any of that, I can probably get you a great water-front condo on the Brooklyn Bridge.

The last week has been nuts to say the least and I haven’t achieved any of the goals I set for myself, other than losing a whopping 4 pounds!!! Woot. (Doing a little jig here – did you feel the earth move? No. That’s because I’m 4 pounds lighter.) And on that note… I need to actually accomplish one goal before 1600 hours. Adios.

Exhaustion makes me want to eat. Eating involves about 30 Oreo cookies.
The struggle is on today…. I’ve had three hours of sleep and when I’m tired I ALWAYS crave sugary snack foods.

I have been reading Julia Cameron’s book, “The Write Diet” which helps the writer in me process this whole weight loss journey in a different way. Something that has stuck with me after reading this is her list of 4 questions that are already making a huge difference for me.

Am I hungry?
Is this what I want to eat?
Is this what I want to eat now?
Is there something else I can eat instead?

I’m still trying to figure out the difference in hunger and the emotional eating habits that fall under “angry, bored, or tired.” However, when I get to questions two and three… I really stop and think about the “want” … and question 4 settles it. If I really do want the Oreo now, I would eat it. However, I can generally find something to eat instead that even if it has the same calories, has a better nutritional value.

Now that’s some food for thought….