Stardate 08.10.20 Monday
My gastroenterologist provided me with a prescription of vile tasting laxative that I’m supposed to start drinking around 6pm and then have the second dose at 10pm. Welcome to the first day of my “relaxing weekend” otherwise known as Monday.
This isn’t my first ‘scope rodeo. This will be the 3rd or 4th colonoscopy and my first endoscopy. I took some “gentle” OTC laxatives Sunday at work about 3pm and then again about 8pm to get the ball rolling because sometimes with the meds I take, it takes a while for the bowels to warm up. About 9pm the ball was oh so slowly on its way. Then I woke up this morning to the subtle rumbling in my bowels. Progress?
So…I’m moving the RX stuff up a bit. Instead of taking the meds at the prescribed time, I’m going to take them at 2pm and 6pm. I know from previous experience how “clean” that 5 feet of bowel needs to be. The RX laxatives are meant to speed up this process to warp 9. Scotty may be giving her all she’s got, but lemme just say, I haven’t even hit light speed yet. Heck, I haven’t even left the loading docks or the tarmac.
I’ve finished the prep. Blech. I’ve consumed at least 120oz of water and other clear fluids and I’m still drinking in hopes to flush the waste from my system.
Nada. Zero. Zilcharoo…
Jehovah Rapha, Heavenly Father… please have mercy on your humble servant and let this night pass quickly. I think I made a funny, Lord. Pass. Get it? Lol. Abba, I hope you got a chuckle out of it. Amen.
I can no longer tolerate sitting. The abdominal pain, bloating and cramping are pretty horrific. I can stand, walk around or lay down and try to get the liquids dispersed. Sitting anywhere (let alone on the throne) is darned near impossible. I’m waiting for “something” to happen. Sigh… 2 more glasses of water.
At least this time in the loo has given me more time to read my Bible and despite the possible outcomes, I have faith everything will be ok. (Jeremiah 29:11)
This has also given me some alone time to work on a @joycemeyer @enjoyingeverydaylife Bible study on fear. It’s an excellent 10 day study that is taking me longer to do. I’m actually studying fears and how to overcome them from a Biblical perspective. It’s been good to me.
I’ve yet to have a bowel movement. I’m so bloated from liquids I think I’m going to have to beach myself. I really AM the Walrus. Koo koo ka choo.
Oh what new level of hell is this??? I have been painfully bloated for hours and just in the past half hour biohazards have finally started the evacuation of my body. It’s almost like a scene out of “Alien” minus Sigourney Weaver.
My legs are numb and asleep and I’ve been in the bathroom for over an hour. I don’t know which is worse, being bloated and having cramps or the non-stop volcanic activity shooting out of my nether-region at Mach 5.
Stardate 08.11.20 Tuesday
I hear it through the open bathroom window that I can only hope is sucking out this wretched stench. Hopefully the bowels will be cleaned out by my 0845 procedure time. But the stench…. gads. I should have remembered to add Vick’s to my “bathroom bag.”
Just. Make. It. Stop.
I’m exhausted, dehydrated, slightly hungry, yet extremely nauseous, and Mt. Vesuvius still insists on spewing forth with no end in sight. (Fortunately it appears those in Pompeii met their demise a lot quicker than this prep is going.) However, the moment I think I might be able to leave the bathroom for a few minutes, my fluffy assets gravitate to the commode as more foulness rushes forth.
Just when I think I might be able to leave the 5X5 cell (not including the shower), the poop returneth. I’m exhausted.
I’ve snuck out of the loo and I’m going to try to sleep.
The second wave of what feels like Montezuma’s Revenge hath cometh über unexpectedly. There I was sound asleep.
Not great sleep, but it was sleep.
All over the place.
Thank God Almighty for “padding” which caught most of the onslaught of excrement as I quickly, yet gingerly, made for the repository of all things bowel related.
Funeral services will be held for a pair of panties later today; the shorts I had on are in critical condition in ICU.
I’ve resumed my post in the master bathroom and I’m chugging water like it’s the end of the universe. Obviously my bowels are far from “clear.”
I know before too long I’ll once again be in residency in Dante’s 7th level of hell. All I want out of life at this moment is to stop pooping and to be rehydrated.
I have to be there at 0845 and things still aren’t “clear.”
Not even close.
I tell you this though…
I started this whole prep thing earlier than the directions stated.
Sunday at 1800 hours to be exact. It was a full 24 hours prior to the “big event.”
The instructions called for everything to begin at 1800 hours Monday.
If I had done that there wouldn’t be a snowball’s chance in hell of getting the procedure done and right now it’s still iffy at best.
I’m. So. Tired.
But here I sit guzzling more water and listening to my stomach make sounds that are just wrong.
Called the doc as things STILL aren’t as cleaned out as they should be.
Not even close.
Not even joking.
The nurse advised me to take 1/2 of the Miralax I had left and another 8oz of water as quickly as possible.
I chugged both down.
Another foul smelling bowel movement.
I refuse to surrender.
I’m NOT doing this again.
Nurse calls and I’ve been able to dump some more waste into the city’s sewer system. I was told to be there at 1030.
Praying for at least one more massive bowel movement. I just don’t think things are as clean as they can be.
Next colonoscopy I’m going for the 5 day Miralax/Dulcolax combination. This RX stuff is for the birds.
Kyle is hauling ass across town to get me to the center for the procedures. I still don’t think my bowel is clean enough. I’m pretty freaking sure it will be an indescribable mess. I don’t know. We’ll see I suppose. Ok. I won’t see, but I’ll find out after I wake up.
My stomach is gurgling and I can only pray for the best at this point.
Remember the adage never say never. F. M. L.
I now have to repeat the colonoscopy- this time with additional meds (Linzess) and a gallon of GoLytely.
Seriously – a repeat performance.
Remember… I started this whole procedure a day earlier than was told to. “Just in case…” Yeah. No.
Apparently I now have to start SIX days prior to the next one – to be done in two weeks.
The news from the endoscopy is pretty much what I expected. Not great news by any shot, but I have an answer.
I’m tired. I’m defeated. I’m 7 pounds lighter.
I will live to fight again.
Side note: It’s now Wednesday. I have a migraine and in bed. I’m still passing enough gas that I’m probably a bit dangerous around an open flame. I can’t freaking wait to do this whole thing over in 2 weeks.